Emotional Adjustments

My daughter graduated from kindergarten two days ago. I am a proud momma. It’s taken me two days to re-contain my emotions before I could write about it.

She’s my only daughter and the reality that she’s not a baby anymore is not lost on me. I look in her face and I see her infant face but I also see a younger version of myself.

She’s courageous and open-minded, curious about the world she lives in and (in a few ways) more bold than I ever was in speaking up and out about what’s going on around her. I don’t want to smother her or block her from exploring her own potential. The only way to grow into that is for me to explore my own potential more fully so as not to stifle hers. She is me 2.0. The upgrade. She’s in beta mode and I want to ensure she has every opportunity accessible to her.

So, I have quite a few emotional adjustments to make to myself. Recognizing the maturity in her (it’s a battle sometimes when my Aquarius clash with her Leo) is hard because I don’t want her to grow up too fast. *grabs tissue* She just left preschool last year and now she’s a first grader. Sigh…

Why Yet? Why not?!

Hello. I am Why Yet and if this is your first visit, welcome to my little slice of blog-dom. A little about myself. This is not my first blog, but this is the first blog I have semi-planned out how I want to manage my posts and ideas. I am a mother, a poet, a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind – which comes in handy with the poetry writing… I love seeing people set goals and reach them. Happiness and excitement is contagious. I am a crafter – I knit and I crochet. I may post about those later should the mood suit me. I am an Aquarius! I can’t leave that out so should my thoughts branch off at rocket speed, you know why, lol. I love a good book. The genre doesn’t even matter because I read romance, urban romance, science fiction, urban street, horror, mystery… but I digress.

This post is more so a reminder to myself and to you to remember to live life and not just exist in it. Especially with the soul-journey I am currently on that inspired my new collection of poetry, Reflections: Past, Present, Future (coming June 2018). So many times we get wrapped up in our daily responsibilities that we forget how to enjoy life, like a child. I am an avid Pinner. I lost count of how many boards I have on Pinterest but I know my pins are in the seven thousands. I have come across so many great ideas on Pinterest! The courage to forego searching for someone to employ me and create employment for myself came from quite a few suggested pins for work at home opportunities. And I truly do want to live, not exist.  I named this blog Why Yet’s Words to be that constant reminder to live and speak up in life. I almost named it Marki’s Bliss. Some of you may be thinking what is bliss? If it’s that good how do I get some? First let’s go to the source (by the way I am a word nerd so definitions and such may appear from time to time):

BLISS

  • Supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment ex) wedding bliss. *courtesy of dictionary.com*

Have I discovered my utter joy or contentment yet? No, but I am working towards it. I am learning to follow what makes me happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt others in the process) and I love making pretty things that are useful. I enjoy creating beauty and sharing.

My goal is to reach that point of utter joy AND contentment. Why does it have to be either or? I want it all. So buckle up and enjoy this journey of growth with me and in the process I dare you to search within and discover your bliss. What does your heart truly desire in this life?

National Women’s History Month

March 1st. The beginning of our month long celebration of women. I could rattle off a list of names from the history books but we, as women, should be bold and brass enough to celebrate ourselves as well. I am all about giving kudos to those who paved the path I now tread but I want to begin this month respecting my beginnings.

This month I want to honor the fabulous women who have helped shape my life with the very essence of theirs, starting with my mother. The most influential woman in my direct life. Words cannot express how thankful I am to have you in my life.

My mother raised five children, on her own, in the heart of a tough North Philadelphia neighborhood. Throughout the 80s and 90s she ran her home with a precision that would be considered extreme by today’s moralless standards. She understood how dangerous the streets could be having come of age in the gang-run streets of Philadelphia in the mid- to late 60s.

During a time when women and children were to be seen and not heard, my mother was outspoken, speaking up and standing up for what she believed in. Many times incurring the ire of my grandmother. Being raised in the South during the aftermath of the Great Depression, my grandmother’s reaction was to be expected.

Not one to give in to someone else’s idea of how she should live her life, my mother made ends meet selling dinners from our home until the last of us was school aged. Instilling in us early on the importance of going to school everyday sparked my love of learning.

Thank you mom for being the phenomenal woman you are. You are more than just a woman. More than just my mom. You are an inspiration to many through your perseverance.

Which woman inspired you to become who you are today? Leave a thank you for them in the comments.

Life’s Gifts

I am a volunteer tax preparer for a non profit organization during tax season. This is my second season doing this. I absolutely love it. I help people, I learn new things and I experience a part of Philadelphia that I would not have ever experienced otherwise. Suburban Station. Milkhouse Grilled Cheese & Milkshakes. A Lebron James look alike. A Mike Epps look alike. Despair, hope, grief, sadness, joy and excitement.

I recognize it’s the small things in life that give the greatest joy. Today a woman confided in me that she has stage 4 colon cancer. Her hair was up in an opened top head wrap and the style was beautiful. When she handed me her driver’s license as I began to prepare her income tax return she said with sadness in her voice, “That’s when I had beautiful, long hair.”

I looked at her and said, “You’re still beautiful and don’t you let anyone tell you different.” Her eyes watered as she told me how she no longer feels beautiful. I understood her feelings completely. A few months ago I had three wisdom teeth and two molars extracted. No big whoop except two of the molars were on the same side as one of the wisdom teeth leaving a gap in the back of my mouth. For two weeks I cried everytime I looked in the mirror. I felt ugly without all of my teeth. I didn’t want to smile. I didn’t want to look at myself. I saw the same feelings in this woman’s eyes. So I shared my experience with her and reminded her that she is still beautiful.

She was very grateful for the encouragement. Once her tax return was completed she gave my colleague and I the biggest hugs and it felt good to help her smile.

See, so many people are stuck on the island of ME that they don’t acknowledge others until they need something and that’s the real tragedy of life. Because they miss out on experiencing the joy of being genuine to someone else, of being genuine for themselves. I had nothing to gain by sharing my story. Empathy costs us nothing but gives much.

I hope I see her fully recovered this time next year so I can give her another hug because by encouraging her, I encouraged myself. Thank you.

Checking Off Goals…

Hello. I haven’t posted sinced NaNoWriMo last year and for good reason. Exhaustion. I needed to decompress from the stress of typing all the words so I can continue to write all the words. Before I go any further, happy new year to you all and I hope you are making everyday count for you. This post is to share what I’ve been up to…

When the New Year comes in we are all flooded with the same “New Year, New You” ads to guilt you into signing up for health clubs, insurance clubs, etc… Me personally, I stopped writing resolutions years ago. They’re usually forgotten by Valentine’s Day anyway. Instead, I think of a few goals I want to accomplish during the new year to improve myself. This year, among my usual take better care of my health goals, I vowed to tackle 2 things I am afraid of and something I have been procrastinating with. I was afraid to knit a pair of socks, afraid to re-enter the realm of spoken word and procrastinating with ending a toxic relationship.

Heh, heh, heh… Growth doesn’t happen overnight. It takes consistent effort. I completed my first pair of knitted socks in January and on February 3rd I recited one of my poems during a podcast interview with Sabreen on Soundcloud, Author Event.

Then on February 9th I attended an open mic night where I performed for the first time in a few years. Along with facing those fears I am pursuing what makes me happy – helping, supporting and promoting others.

With the same heated fervor of the Black Panther release, I strive to reach those who need encouragement through my poetic words. My first collection, Entangled Hearts, is available on amazon.com. My second collection, Reflections, is due to be released later this year. Order your copy of Entangled Hearts and remember to challenge yourself to face your fears. Check them off of your list one by one!

Monday Motivation

I woke up tired this morning. Body aches from a spur of the moment decision to do last minute gardening/de-weeding yesterday had me contemplating life. But, the children had school and I had a yoga workout calling my name.

After my workout (about 7 minutes worth) I felt a little better and proceeded with my morning. That consisted of waking two tired children who wanted more sleep. After rounding them up and getting them prepared we were off.

They were happy to be off to school once they finished breakfast. Once they saw their friends, I no longer existed in their world (for now at least). A little sadness. But I quickly reflected on those children who scream and cry when their parents drop them off and I am grateful my children are who they are.

It’s in these moments that I truly love my life. Being able to guarantee my children’s safe delivery to and from school. A reminder for me, why I have to put my all into everything I do… It’s for them – my children. Once I am gone what will I leave behind? Things or values?

Transitions in Life

sunnyclouds

My youngest child started preschool today. My last born, my last first day of school and I didn’t cry. The reality that my son’s external educational journey has begun is stirring up mixed emotions in me. We’ve waited a long time for this day but now that it’s here I don’t want my baby boy growing up too fast. 

And that’s what it is. Today marks the end of his baby days. The hugs, kisses and snuggles will soon be traded for friends, toys and school crushes. I’m not ready, but I’m preparing. My daughter, who’s going into kindergarten this year, is already writing love letters to some boy from her class last year. Surprisingly, I didn’t react. I listened as she read her letter. I observed my daughter and then reflected on my personality at her age. Damn. She is like me, but bolder. She’s a lot more gutsy than I was at five years old. I feel like time is getting away from me.

This is a very different mental space for me. My children are growing, my parents are aging and I’m in the middle of life’s upward escalator unable to backtrack. Transitions. These moments kind of sneak up on you unexpectedly. But they are necessary. I don’t always like them, but I understand they are catalysts for growth and change. And we all know that change is the only constant.