First, I have to apologize to you. I have exposed us to years of unnecessary heartache and pain through allowing your innocent vulnerabilities to be taken advantage of. You are a loving and powerful woman. I did not trust you enough to allow you to spread your wings and grow. My fears kept you bound to those who could not give you what you needed and deserved to fly.
My fears kept me from believing there was anything better for you out in the world. You deserve the world. Your smile cheers up those you share it with and you share freely even when you are crumbling inside and I appreciate that. I love you for that.
You put others before yourself when they are in need. You give even when you are in need. You are fiercely loyal to those you love, even when they hurt you deeply. And when you want to retreat and heal I have interfered, and for that I am sorry. When you needed to sever ties and heal your heart I interfered and for that I am sorry.
Even in pain you still emit a celestial beauty through your writings. Everytime I read your poetry I feel your memories and cry your tears. Thank you for sharing your words, not only with me but with the rest of the world.
Continue to shine your brightest light because I need it. I thank you for being the woman you are.
Life is still moving at a break neck pace. Physically I can keep up until my body makes me sit still. My mind, on the other hand, doesn’t stop. Ever. Which is why I need to incorporate more self-care into my daily routine.
My thoughts fly even while I sleep. All of the conversations I want to have but can not usually surface during my sleeping hours – most times interrupting my sleep. I wish I could have these conversations awake so the thoughts and emotions could leave me alone. Yet some of those conversations would be fruitless anyhow.
The most random thoughts surface usually when I force myself to sit still. I feel the need to always be ‘doing’ something so I’m not viewed as lazy or irresponsible. That makes me feel scattered and unable to relax. What I really want… Well, what I need is for these plans to coalesce like pudding and go down smoothly. Still working on how to ensure that happens.
What ways do you sit still? What is self-care for you?
My pain led me – no dragged me – along a path I dared not go but needed to venture. “I’m fine”, I said, trying to shake the pain loose. With a shake of her head Pain continued dragging my resistance to a destination unknown to me.
Adjusting my dress and fixing a smile I spoke firmly – “I’m fine. Release me.” Again Pain shook her head and continued pulling me over sharp-edged terrain up a cliff face on the side of a mountain. My fear of heights spoke then, screaming, “Wait! Where are you taking us?”
Silently Pain continued on, now her light hold turned into a firm grasp – no longer gentle. Rough, angry yanks to keep me moving cause me to stumble over my steps. My thoughts are disjointed, memories colliding, unlocking more pain and ripping open more wounds.
Falling on my hands and knees I yell, “I’M FINE!!!”, trying to force Pain to release me.
Pain spun on her heel so quick that she was a breath away from my face and spoke:
YOU. ARE. NOT. FINE.
That is why I am here. You are consumed by hurt even though you love – your pain is too great so I am here to carry it and you until you let go releasing us all.
Pain stepped back and before me lay the bluest sky I had ever seen. I realized at that moment the weight of what she said. So I screamed. All of the hurt from all of the years of believing I wasn’t enough rushed to the surface in a blood curdling holler. Dropping to my knees, I felt weak and hollowed out.
Tears blurred my vision and streaked my face as Pain knelt beside me, “Good girl”, she said as she kissed my forehead in a motherly fashion, “Rest now. My job is done.”
Yesterday was a culmination of bad days for me over a span of a few weeks.
Emotionally, mentally and physically draining and straining. You know how you have that one person that you can talk to when the entire world goes crazy and just the sound of their voice calms you down? I needed to hear that calming voice.
That “good morning” that would have made everything calm and quiet. I couldn’t hear that voice and the reality of it sank in as I drove to work. The suffocating, smothering thickness of that reality threatened to choke out my breathing as though I was stranded in the deep end of the pool. And then YouTube played Thursday by Jess Glynne.
That song said what I had been thinking and feeling and burying for fear of what it meant about me. So I cried. And screamed. And questioned. Everything. And then one thought flittered across my emotional meltdown at this red light. All I am right now is a mother. That’s all I have. And that broke me.
Many people are suspicious when they hear life insurance. Images of sheisty salesmen similar to the car salesman that will sell you junk at a high price comes to mind more often than not. Before I dispel some of that information I want to share that it’s Life Insurance Awareness Month. I just found out it’s a thing yesterday.
I’m glad it is a thing because we need the facts on life insurance so we can make educated decisions when (not if) we purchase life insurance. Note to the hecklers, life insurance is least expensive when you’re young and healthy.
Many people mistakenly purchase life insurance believing they only need enough for burial. When the idea of life insurance came about there was no such thing as funeral expenses. Life insurance was created as an income replacement in the event the husband died unexpectedly. The widow left behind doesn’t have to work and can still manage the household and child(ren) without becoming destitute.
How many of you have insurance on your electronic devices? Why do you insure objects? For those of you with some life insurance: are you fully covered or covered enough to get buried? Would you underinsure your home? Would you underinsure your car? Why would you feel ok with underinsuring your life with too little or no life insurance?
To find out more or to schedule a free consultation comment with your email address.
Good morning! Happy Friday! Happy end of summer (maybe)! Happy back to school! Happy end of August!
I haven’t been on in a while because I have been learning so much these past 8 weeks I am near bursting with wanting to share it all. I am looking to shift gears in my writing here so just stick with me. Financial discussions have always been touchy where I grew up. All of the adults around me kept their finances a secret because of the idea that everyone was out to steal from them. Maybe that was true, maybe it wasn’t. I didn’t grow up during their era. What I do know is that those beliefs created behaviors that essentially crippled the financial growth capabilities of the family for several generations.
What I am starting with this post is a forum for financial education awareness. In order for us to discover a solution for the poverty and poverty-influenced thinking in our communities we have to first acknowledge the poverty that exists. Next we have to honestly face and openly discuss why the poverty exists. What behaviors are we performing and accepting that contributes to our poverty-mindset?
What behaviors can we shed to make room for new financial beliefs and habits to create the financial future we want? For more information, comment below.
Have you ever had an opportunity to do something or go somewhere and missed it because you froze in fear? It’s okay, because it happens to the best of us. I’ve had my moments. How I have been getting through some of those moments is asking myself, “How will I feel about myself passing up this opportunity?” Usually the answer to this question spurs me to make a decision and I am usually pleased with the outcome.
This past weekend was one of those moments. I’d found out about the Sistahs In Business Expo, in Philadelphia, on Thursday and according to the ticket site Eventbrite, Friday was the last day to purchase tickets. I was on the fence since the expo was Saturday. Then I saw Vivica Fox was going to be the keynote speaker! I knew not going would bother me like when I missed Gabrielle Union’s AND Jenifer Lewis’ book signings earlier this year. Bam! Decision made. I was going and bringing the little ones with me. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So many entrepreneurs were in the building! It was beautiful and the energy was electric! My children didn’t fully understand the beauty they were submerged in, but as they get older and wiser they will. One of our highlights was not only getting a signed copy of Ms. Vivica A. Fox’s book but pictures with her as well!
Never give up on goals and aspirations you have for yourself. Your future self will thank you for it!