When the pandemic shut the world down last year I felt angry and relieved at the same time. I was angry because I was drafting a plan to cross a few travel plans off of my bucket list. I was relieved because I was challenged to interact more on social media via video. I felt (at the time) that since the world was shutting down, everyone’s forced to stay inside, so nope, can’t do it.
That was my fear speaking loud and clear. Fear had my full attention. The world (as we knew it) was ending, people were stockpiling bleach, toilet paper, soap, spaghetti noodles (but no sauce) and microwavable dinners from the freezer section of the market. 🤦🏾 But fear had me gripped, worrying about whether or not the world was heading into Book of Eli/Mad Max territory. So, streaming live on social media was the least of my concerns… or so I thought.
Chatting on line with a friend about the current state we were in, they casually said “How about you go live and read some of your poetry?” *insert record scratch* What now? In the middle of a pandemic? Read my poetry, on camera? I was shaking in my pajamas at the thought of it. I immediately started to panic. I hadn’t performed any of my poetry live since 2018 and that was at a church’s open mic night event in my neighborhood.
I started to say as much but instead replied with “that scares me.” I hought that would be enough to back them up until I received these words that stuck in my mind like Gorilla Glue, “Face the fear and do it anyway.” A few days after that, I took a deep breath (I was considered an essential worker and still had to report in) and started live streaming during my morning commute. I did this for about 16 weeks before I stopped as I was receiving static from work. Smh.
But as I think back, I had fun. It was scary but I did it anyway. In this digital age I know I will have to return to it, but until then, should there be anyone considering jumping into the live streaming pool (no matter what social platform), give this article a read Learn To Live Stream , you’ll be glad you did. And if this helps, drop a comment below!
To some, yesterday was Happy Stimmy Day. To others, it was just another Wednesday on this blue spinning rock in space. Either way, I am grateful to be here experiencing it all. It took a few days for me to adjust my senses from the daylight savings adjustment (here in the States every spring, we turn our clocks up one hour – it makes no rational sense to me but when in Rome…).
With President Biden signing the Relief Act last Thursday, it was reported that people could begin receiving their stimulus checks as soon as this past weekend. And social media exploded with comedy! The most hilarious one (to me at least) was on Twitter.
Needless to say, after reading that, I tripped and fell down the stimmy meme rabbit hole and emerged a couple of hours and a stomach cramp later 🤣. With everything that has happened over the last 5 years in this country (I’m just addressing the most recent years of crazy in America), it is good to stop and laugh once in a while. Yes, life sucks sometimes, but if you survive it look back and I’m sure you’ll find a meme or two that will brighten your mood a little. And remember, if you’re reading this, you’re one of the lucky ones. Don’t squander today. Grab your favorite drink. Make the best of it – or make a meme of it to brighten someone else’s day. Laughter is good medicine.
Prayers for safety go out to everyone holding on in Texas, my heart is with you. It is appalling that government officials would allow citizens to freeze in an unexpected snow storm – that businesses are allowed to control public utilities and decide, DECIDE to shut power off in the midst of a nasty winter storm. There are too many instances where profit is put before people. Those businesses who jeopardized thousands of lives need to be shut down and the remaining power companies ought to be strictly regulated to prevent gross negligence like this from happening again. Compassion costs $0 but retribution is costly.
A sad day when humanity has become a line item on a balance sheet. An expense on a profit and loss statement. A topic to debate the worth of… Oh wait – this IS AMERICA. The country built on genocide, kidnap, rape, murder, enslavement and extortion. Humanity has been on the auction block for centuries but when the bodies are brown there’s silent acceptance. Again, compassion costs $0 but retribution is costly.
The Golden Rule is older than the King James version of the bible, but I can’t see it here in the “land of the free”. What are we “free” to do? The bulk of citizens are grossly overtaxed to make the uber-wealthy comfortable barely paying tax. Too many families working full-time jobs and still can’t afford to pay for living expenses AND food. Greed and self-service has been on the menu forever but those not at the table are told to work harder, pay their share… Those hard working Texans trying to figure out how to make it in the dark with no heat in the worst winter storm in God-knows how long, are they not working hard enough?
Today, I am grateful. Blessed to see another solar return and on the heels of a powerful full moon no less. A celebration of my birth, thank you mom for delivering me into the world 💜. For many years my birthday was a time of excitement, anxiety and depression all mixed together because I yearned for acknowledgement from my father that I would never receive. Friends, family and loved ones wished me well, but my attention (even when I desperately tried not to) was focused on my father’s lack of attention.
Acknowledging that feeling I harbored used to encourage anger, sadness and shame. It took many years of deep reflection (meaning I was still running from myself, lol) to recognize why I still held onto the pain. As much as I hated to admit it, it was easier to hold onto the hurt, anger and pain than it was to let it go.
That thought was my *aha!* moment. It was easier to hold on and stay stuck, than to let go and be free. I still love my father, and always will. But my father has chosen not to get to know me as a person. Not like I’d hoped. It is an opportunity lost to him – not me. I do not say this out of malice. I have finally moved beyond that. I no longer hold onto the entrapment of my perception that without his acknowledgement I cannot grow or be loved or be deemed valuable. I have already proven myself wrong on that – and gladly so!
My solar return is a celebration of my growth and my acceptance of me – as I am as well as a challenge for me to achieve who I strive to become. I am ready to conquer my next round of growth. Happy birthday to me! 👑💖
I have been following some of what’s been occurring politically these last couple of weeks and I am ashamed of humanity.
While many are still unemployed or grossly underemployed, businesses are receiving thousands to continue to run. Politicians, meanwhile, have debated for months over whether to give people $600 – $2,000 to live on. You can learn all you need to know about a country’s policies based on how they value their women, children and elderly – mainly who are the most devastated groups during economic upheavals.
This pandemic has exposed the financial fallacies ingrained in society. That led me to increase my personal financial plan to be more prepared for any future upheaval. What I fully realized is the lack of financial education available to the children during their formative school years like basic budgeting and balancing a checking account.
One of my goals this year is to assist at least 60 people to understand how to create a budget, balance a checking account and draft a savings plan. That’s 5 people a month. You may be thinking that’s not many people, but many people are ashamed to discuss personal finances. I’d love to be proved wrong though. I also started a virtual bookkeeping business, MBunn Services LLC, where the services I offer include account cleanup, bank reconciliation, tax preparation and notary public services for the Philadelphia, PA area.
If the pandemic and political mayhem has you feeling out of sorts, just know things have the ability to get better. Hey, if you invested in Bitcoin over the last 9 months you have something to smile about. I don’t have Bitcoin but my new 401k isn’t looking too shabby. Set goals and follow through so these public displays of aggression don’t weigh you down.
OMG! 2020 was quite the ride for all of us. Whether that ride was fun or terrifying, we were all on it together, ride or die – no pun intended. We have lost many but in the midst of grief and, here in the U.S., political chaos we managed to continue breathing. I don’t know about you but I’m grateful for that.
I have been MIA since July 2020. I was focused on staying healthy and updating my financial house in light of the fallout of Covid-19. Many don’t believe it’s real, even with many dying and refuse to take protective measures – not only to protect themselves but to protect others. This is the major failing of America as a society because she was born of indifference to the suffering of others – unless she can profit off of it. That was the core message I understood from the outgoing administration. “The team reflects leadership…” – Remember the Titans, 2000.
2021 came in with true Aquarius-like flare. Strolling in with a great conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn on December 21st and full moon in Cancer on December 29th. All of my astrology and spiritually awakened people know what I’m talking about. Word on the street is the great conjunction ushered in the start of the Age of Aquarius. As an Aquarius I’m excited either way because I’m alive to see it. I spent a lot of time learning about myself in 2020 and healing those parts of me that I didn’t realize were still hurt. I thought writing poetry, expressing my pain through words would be all I needed to do but alas I discovered my poetry opened the door for me to explore how deep my pain goes so I can heal it. My poetry was my portal to my inner self that was hidden from plain sight. 2020 sucked, but growth only comes through adversity so I choose to see 2020 as the proctor of a mid-term exam we were unprepared for. In 2021 we can choose to do better, I know I have!
WordPress reminded me that it is my 5 year anniversary. Wow! 5 years! I didn’t even realize it had been that long. Thank you for those of you who have been hanging with me since the beginning as I tried to figure out my footing on this platform. I am still figuring out my footing but you’re still here with me, so thank you.
These first 6 months of 2020 is nothing like what I had planned for as the year began. Social and economical chaos has been served up regularly all year and I am exhausted by it. Humanity has been anything but humane, especially this year. America’s skirt has been snatched and all of her personal business is exposed. Saddening. Instead of cleaning up her business and making herself presentable, America is choosing to flaunt her ratchetness for all of the world to see.
What I want for the remainder of 2020, is for people to recognize that we all have our own perspectives of life based on our experiences. Unfortunately too many experiences are created by hateful individuals who feel like they have the right to dictate where someone may live, shop, walk or jog based on their skin color.
Those individuals are suffering from low self-esteem. Classic bully syndrome. Those individuals need to be checked – HARD. To let them understand that they do not own ANYONE nor do they have sole dominion over this country. Only collectively can we survive this cesspool of chaos we are currently in by using common sense and a sense of community. How else do you think the wealthy will take us seriously? Those of us who are not wealthy are the majority and when we unite we can change the direction of things. There is power in numbers and in unity.
During my early college years I studied about educators and psychologists who had similar lines of thought – that each individual’s primary goal in life is to reach the pinnacle of self-actualization. You know, that moment of clarity where you understand the purpose of your life and your role as a part of the collective called humanity. Each person’s subconscious desire is to reach this nirvana of understanding within us.
I spent the last two weeks grappling with understanding what I was witnessing in real time. Murder, mayhem and lies broadcast far and wide. George Floyd was murdered. By law enforcement. Nothing can justify that. The collective of law enforcement had refused to even arrest the officers involved – that is – until massive amounts of people spoke out about it. Murder. And law enforcement shrugged like – eh, it happens.
So the first amendment allows for freedom of speech and the freedom to peacefully assemble. So the people did just that. Assembled peacefully. Law enforcement took to the protests as though it were a war cry and suited up in military-grade tactical gear (wait, where’d the money for the upgrades come from when there’s no money for education?) complete with tear gas, shields, batons, rubber bullets and fireworks. Yes, they were shooting fireworks at people!
Agitators were sent in to disrupt the protests (which spilled across the nation from coast to coast), pallets of loose bricks were left in plain view (and not near any construction or demolition sites), and police used their bikes, batons, horses and cars to assault protestors. Even the reporters felt the attacks. One reporter was shot in the face with a rubber bullet and lost her vision in one eye. Several protestors from across the nation decided to form a group for those who lost an eye from being shot with rubber bullets (as of 6/9/20 there were at least 8 who had found each other on Twitter).
The devastation caused by gross abuse of power is a major and deadly deterrent to achieving self-actualization. How can we become our best versions of ourselves under the domestic terrorism of our law enforcement whose sole purpose is supposed to be to protect and serve the public?
Thank you for choosing to begin your journey through me. As the vessel to nurture you and bring you forth into this world, I accepted the responsibility. Not a light one either.
Each day from the moment I knew of you, my decisions have caused me anxiety. Am I teaching you the right things? Am I nurturing enough? Do you REALLY know how much I love you?
Even now, as the ‘original kids’, you have reached that milestone of adulthood and I am terrified. Did I show you enough love? Was I affectionate enough? Did my failures in love dissuade you from seeking it? Did I inadvertently pass down hurts that were passed on to me?
Motherhood is a strange emotional ride. The never ending roller coaster. More so for me as I am still trying to figure out my combination lock to life. It feels like the calculus class I took multiple times as a freshman in college and never passed. Some days I feel like I am drowning in the center of the ocean and other days I feel like I am sprinting down the coast with warm sand under my toes.
Amidst the tears, uncompromising expectations (of self) and unpredictability, I wouldn’t change being a mother. It took 20 years to appreciate my stretch marks, but I earned every one. Thank you to all of my children for choosing me to be their mother.
I haven’t written in a while. Since the last time I’ve written the world has seen a global outbreak of the corona virus that has shut down entire countries. Here in Pennsylvania we are under a loosely followed stay-at-home order. Stores and businesses had to close and millions of people were laid off.
During this time even the schools shut down for the remainder of the school year. The school district began the transition to distance learning for the remainder of the year. Chromebooks have been distributed to the students so they could finish the school year.
Meanwhile, many occupations were deemed essential along with the medical professionals and emergency professionals. As a staff member of a homecare agency, our staff was also considered essential meaning we were to remain open and operating.
During this time of quarantine I have had to re-design some of my goals. Some were accelerated. During this time I have had to utilize online ordering more than I used to… In light of that, I have had to re-order copies of both of my books, Entangled Hearts and Reflections: Past, Present, Future. I have since designing my website: http://www.markishabunn.com and now both of my books are available on my website.
Although many are affected by this pandemic there is some good that can come from this. I look forward to seeing the outcome of this pandemic. Squeeze the most out of each day while you have it.