Hello. I have been quiet for quite sometime, and for good reason. I am approaching my 40th year and I promised myself that I would shed toxic people from my life before I reached that milestone. I finally left a toxic relationship I had been in for more than 10 years. Tomorrow will be 1 year since I left to make a new and peaceful life for my children and I. It hasn’t been easy because there is always the obstacle of standing firm in my belief when the other party tries to re-assert control over me. I am more acutely aware of the behavior patterns during this month because I left during this month and because it is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
I have to fight for my safety and that of my children because I don’t know who may be watching that need encouragement. Many people unfamiliar with the terror of being in an abusive relationship believe that you can just walk away – it’s not that simple. Especially when children are involved. The officers of the family court system are not trained properly to effectively handle domestic violence situations leaving many victims (men are abused also – but because of social stigmas they are less likely to report being abused) and children in serious danger. This has been my season and it is coming to an end.
I have a long healing road to travel but I am grateful that I am alive to travel that road as so many women did not have the fortune to. I have reconnected with friends and interest in activities I had stopped doing. I have begun writing, knitting and crocheting again. I have even knit a pencil skirt free hand! Although that last season was painful, it was necessary for me to grow and re-connect with myself. I accomplished several of my long-term goals I didn’t think were possible for me and that felt amazing!
This is the first time I have been single in 13 years and it feels good. When I go to sleep at night it is peaceful. I laugh more. I smile more. I hug my children more. I am slowly learning about who I am at this point in my life. The old me is introducing me to the new me that is emerging from these challenges and I love her. She is spunky and funny (I don’t tell jokes I just state the reality of some stuff) and excited to experience the goodness that life has to offer.
Life is still moving at a break neck pace. Physically I can keep up until my body makes me sit still. My mind, on the other hand, doesn’t stop. Ever. Which is why I need to incorporate more self-care into my daily routine.
My thoughts fly even while I sleep. All of the conversations I want to have but can not usually surface during my sleeping hours – most times interrupting my sleep. I wish I could have these conversations awake so the thoughts and emotions could leave me alone. Yet some of those conversations would be fruitless anyhow.
The most random thoughts surface usually when I force myself to sit still. I feel the need to always be ‘doing’ something so I’m not viewed as lazy or irresponsible. That makes me feel scattered and unable to relax. What I really want… Well, what I need is for these plans to coalesce like pudding and go down smoothly. Still working on how to ensure that happens.
What ways do you sit still? What is self-care for you?
My pain led me – no dragged me – along a path I dared not go but needed to venture. “I’m fine”, I said, trying to shake the pain loose. With a shake of her head Pain continued dragging my resistance to a destination unknown to me.
Adjusting my dress and fixing a smile I spoke firmly – “I’m fine. Release me.” Again Pain shook her head and continued pulling me over sharp-edged terrain up a cliff face on the side of a mountain. My fear of heights spoke then, screaming, “Wait! Where are you taking us?”
Silently Pain continued on, now her light hold turned into a firm grasp – no longer gentle. Rough, angry yanks to keep me moving cause me to stumble over my steps. My thoughts are disjointed, memories colliding, unlocking more pain and ripping open more wounds.
Falling on my hands and knees I yell, “I’M FINE!!!”, trying to force Pain to release me.
Pain spun on her heel so quick that she was a breath away from my face and spoke:
YOU. ARE. NOT. FINE.
That is why I am here. You are consumed by hurt even though you love – your pain is too great so I am here to carry it and you until you let go releasing us all.
Pain stepped back and before me lay the bluest sky I had ever seen. I realized at that moment the weight of what she said. So I screamed. All of the hurt from all of the years of believing I wasn’t enough rushed to the surface in a blood curdling holler. Dropping to my knees, I felt weak and hollowed out.
Tears blurred my vision and streaked my face as Pain knelt beside me, “Good girl”, she said as she kissed my forehead in a motherly fashion, “Rest now. My job is done.”
When I started this blog many years ago I had this idea that to engage people I had to make my blog like everyone else’s. Scheduled posts with updated pop-culture tidbits and such.
I admit, that was like sitting down and doing calculus. I hate calculus. It’s theoretical math. And reading back over some of my older posts I can feel the resistance in my writing.
My old blog over in bloggerland (Poetically Wyld) was full of me, raw emotion and poetic sensibilities, while figuring out this thing called life. This figuring out part sucks. It’s like driving to a new part of town and the GPS is broken. Yet, more adventures and more interesting experiences are had by not knowing where you are going even as scary as being lost is.
So, I’ve decided that I am returning to my old blogger ways. You’ll be getting more – well, Me. More relaxed and unfiltered stories and I hope you enjoy them. I am beginning the close of my 30s and preparing to enter my 40s and I don’t want to drag any old, unproductive energy into my new decade with me.
I’ve spent the last two decades trying to get this whole love thing down and so far I have been very unlucky. I’m not happy about it but I’m not dead yet either so that’s a win. It’s been suggested I try Match.com but I’m a skeptic at this point. So if you have any suggestions for meeting new people I am open to listen. Until next time…
2019 is in full swing. It has been quite some time since I have posted and for good reason. Many changes have occurred and are occurring. Isn’t that always the case with the New Year?
As in previous years, I have chosen to set goals – not resolutions. For me goals are more solid and once I set my mind on what I want to accomplish for the year I’ve noticed people and situations arise to assist in completing those goals.
This year started with a nasty government shut down and R. Kelly. What a combo of distractions. With R. Kelly many people don’t realize this behavior touches a nerve because too many of us have family members like this that we are ashamed to admit to having. In researching my family history I have discovered molestation and rape of family members. These stories are tucked deep and anyone who dares to shed light on them will incur the wrath of the elders in the family, not to protect the innocent but to protect the perpetrators, out of fear of the family being publicly shamed.
No healing can come from shaming the survivors and protecting the abusers. This behavior only ensures that the energy continues through the family lineage. Genetic memories hold all of the happy and sad moments in our lives. Tragedy and trauma affects us down to our DNA, that is why PTSD is so widespread amongst veterans, crime victims and survivors of natural disasters.
With this government shutdown it is appalling that one individual is allowed to hijack the country and essentially hold it hostage until demands are met. That is unconstitutional. Period. Our elected officials are failing to reign the president in. But again each day is a new way to start anew.
The beautiful fact of life is that with a new day and a new year we can make new choices. That is what this new year is about – making new choices to change what we don’t like into what we do like. My goals this year include me trying new things and further stepping out of my comfort zone. What new choices are you making for the new year?
Good morning! Happy Friday! Happy end of summer (maybe)! Happy back to school! Happy end of August!
I haven’t been on in a while because I have been learning so much these past 8 weeks I am near bursting with wanting to share it all. I am looking to shift gears in my writing here so just stick with me. Financial discussions have always been touchy where I grew up. All of the adults around me kept their finances a secret because of the idea that everyone was out to steal from them. Maybe that was true, maybe it wasn’t. I didn’t grow up during their era. What I do know is that those beliefs created behaviors that essentially crippled the financial growth capabilities of the family for several generations.
What I am starting with this post is a forum for financial education awareness. In order for us to discover a solution for the poverty and poverty-influenced thinking in our communities we have to first acknowledge the poverty that exists. Next we have to honestly face and openly discuss why the poverty exists. What behaviors are we performing and accepting that contributes to our poverty-mindset?
What behaviors can we shed to make room for new financial beliefs and habits to create the financial future we want? For more information, comment below.
I am still working on finding my rhythm here in WordPress land. I looked up my original blog, Poetically Wyld, and realized how laid back and carefree it was to maintain that writing rhythm. I wasn’t concerned about tags and SEO or anything. I just wanted to write and share.
That’s where I am attempting to return to with Why Yet’s Words. A place where I can write and share. Words are powerful things, crafters of energy, encapsulating emotions that are sometimes indescribable and I love the feelings they elicit.
Those feelings come to me in free form poetry and the fluidity of those feelings is pure emotion. Like that warm breeze blowing across your face as you stare out at the water.
That rhythm tempted me and I answered when I penned my new poetry collection, Reflections: Past, Present, Future which is available for pre-order here.
The poems I selected for Reflections are a part of my rhythm, a part of finding my rhythm and by sharing I hope to help someone else find their rhythm.
I have set a release date for my new collection of poetry, Reflections: Past, Present, Future. This collection is scheduled for June, 2018 and I am nervous and excited.
In this new collection I explore the underlying influences that led to my relationship experiences that I wrote about in my first collection, Entangled Hearts.
Many women are tired of falling for the wrong guy time and again. Falling in love with the potential of who he can become instead of looking at who he is. Ignoring our instincts when they warn us that something is wrong. What we don’t do, many times, is stop and reflect on WHY we ignore those warnings. WHY do we fall in love with potential rather than investigate the facts?
In Reflections I stop and do just that. Reflect. What is the underlying reason why I allowed sub-par love into my life? Why was I willing to give 1000% in exchange for a luke-warm 25% at best? One day I woke up and stopped trying to adjust the math.
As women, we are the cornerstone of civilization. Fellas you’re not being discounted – keep reading. Ladies, we have the biggest influence over life, it grows within us. Life flows out of us. We are designed for it. It is time we sat down in a quiet place, grabbed our tea or coffee and reflect on why we allow the negative relationships in our lives. Once we understand the WHY we can create a correction plan.
The countdown to Reflections has begun. Are you ready?
Hello. I am Why Yet and if this is your first visit, welcome to my little slice of blog-dom. A little about myself. This is not my first blog, but this is the first blog I have semi-planned out how I want to manage my posts and ideas. I am a mother, a poet, a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind – which comes in handy with the poetry writing… I love seeing people set goals and reach them. Happiness and excitement is contagious. I am a crafter – I knit and I crochet. I may post about those later should the mood suit me. I am an Aquarius! I can’t leave that out so should my thoughts branch off at rocket speed, you know why, lol. I love a good book. The genre doesn’t even matter because I read romance, urban romance, science fiction, urban street, horror, mystery… but I digress.
This post is more so a reminder to myself and to you to remember to live life and not just exist in it. Especially with the soul-journey I am currently on that inspired my new collection of poetry, Reflections: Past, Present, Future (coming June 2018). So many times we get wrapped up in our daily responsibilities that we forget how to enjoy life, like a child. I am an avid Pinner. I lost count of how many boards I have on Pinterest but I know my pins are in the seven thousands. I have come across so many great ideas on Pinterest! The courage to forego searching for someone to employ me and create employment for myself came from quite a few suggested pins for work at home opportunities. And I truly do want to live, not exist. I named this blog Why Yet’s Words to be that constant reminder to live and speak up in life. I almost named it Marki’s Bliss. Some of you may be thinking what is bliss? If it’s that good how do I get some? First let’s go to the source (by the way I am a word nerd so definitions and such may appear from time to time):
Supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment ex) wedding bliss. *courtesy of dictionary.com*
Have I discovered my utter joy or contentment yet? No, but I am working towards it. I am learning to follow what makes me happy (as long as it doesn’t hurt others in the process) and I love making pretty things that are useful. I enjoy creating beauty and sharing.
My goal is to reach that point of utter joy AND contentment. Why does it have to be either or? I want it all. So buckle up and enjoy this journey of growth with me and in the process I dare you to search within and discover your bliss. What does your heart truly desire in this life?