Hello. I have been quiet for quite sometime, and for good reason. I am approaching my 40th year and I promised myself that I would shed toxic people from my life before I reached that milestone. I finally left a toxic relationship I had been in for more than 10 years. Tomorrow will be 1 year since I left to make a new and peaceful life for my children and I. It hasn’t been easy because there is always the obstacle of standing firm in my belief when the other party tries to re-assert control over me. I am more acutely aware of the behavior patterns during this month because I left during this month and because it is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
I have to fight for my safety and that of my children because I don’t know who may be watching that need encouragement. Many people unfamiliar with the terror of being in an abusive relationship believe that you can just walk away – it’s not that simple. Especially when children are involved. The officers of the family court system are not trained properly to effectively handle domestic violence situations leaving many victims (men are abused also – but because of social stigmas they are less likely to report being abused) and children in serious danger. This has been my season and it is coming to an end.
I have a long healing road to travel but I am grateful that I am alive to travel that road as so many women did not have the fortune to. I have reconnected with friends and interest in activities I had stopped doing. I have begun writing, knitting and crocheting again. I have even knit a pencil skirt free hand! Although that last season was painful, it was necessary for me to grow and re-connect with myself. I accomplished several of my long-term goals I didn’t think were possible for me and that felt amazing!
This is the first time I have been single in 13 years and it feels good. When I go to sleep at night it is peaceful. I laugh more. I smile more. I hug my children more. I am slowly learning about who I am at this point in my life. The old me is introducing me to the new me that is emerging from these challenges and I love her. She is spunky and funny (I don’t tell jokes I just state the reality of some stuff) and excited to experience the goodness that life has to offer.
Life is still moving at a break neck pace. Physically I can keep up until my body makes me sit still. My mind, on the other hand, doesn’t stop. Ever. Which is why I need to incorporate more self-care into my daily routine.
My thoughts fly even while I sleep. All of the conversations I want to have but can not usually surface during my sleeping hours – most times interrupting my sleep. I wish I could have these conversations awake so the thoughts and emotions could leave me alone. Yet some of those conversations would be fruitless anyhow.
The most random thoughts surface usually when I force myself to sit still. I feel the need to always be ‘doing’ something so I’m not viewed as lazy or irresponsible. That makes me feel scattered and unable to relax. What I really want… Well, what I need is for these plans to coalesce like pudding and go down smoothly. Still working on how to ensure that happens.
What ways do you sit still? What is self-care for you?
Yesterday was a culmination of bad days for me over a span of a few weeks.
Emotionally, mentally and physically draining and straining. You know how you have that one person that you can talk to when the entire world goes crazy and just the sound of their voice calms you down? I needed to hear that calming voice.
That “good morning” that would have made everything calm and quiet. I couldn’t hear that voice and the reality of it sank in as I drove to work. The suffocating, smothering thickness of that reality threatened to choke out my breathing as though I was stranded in the deep end of the pool. And then YouTube played Thursday by Jess Glynne.
That song said what I had been thinking and feeling and burying for fear of what it meant about me. So I cried. And screamed. And questioned. Everything. And then one thought flittered across my emotional meltdown at this red light. All I am right now is a mother. That’s all I have. And that broke me.
When I started this blog many years ago I had this idea that to engage people I had to make my blog like everyone else’s. Scheduled posts with updated pop-culture tidbits and such.
I admit, that was like sitting down and doing calculus. I hate calculus. It’s theoretical math. And reading back over some of my older posts I can feel the resistance in my writing.
My old blog over in bloggerland (Poetically Wyld) was full of me, raw emotion and poetic sensibilities, while figuring out this thing called life. This figuring out part sucks. It’s like driving to a new part of town and the GPS is broken. Yet, more adventures and more interesting experiences are had by not knowing where you are going even as scary as being lost is.
So, I’ve decided that I am returning to my old blogger ways. You’ll be getting more – well, Me. More relaxed and unfiltered stories and I hope you enjoy them. I am beginning the close of my 30s and preparing to enter my 40s and I don’t want to drag any old, unproductive energy into my new decade with me.
I’ve spent the last two decades trying to get this whole love thing down and so far I have been very unlucky. I’m not happy about it but I’m not dead yet either so that’s a win. It’s been suggested I try Match.com but I’m a skeptic at this point. So if you have any suggestions for meeting new people I am open to listen. Until next time…
– Why Yet
I missed a Friday or two. Sometimes life shows up because she never stops. I am learning and growing as I am teaching. The best way to solidify what you are learning is to teach it to someone else. Have you ever heard of income protection? Did you know you can calculate your income protection number? Do you know what your income Protection number is?
Income protection is the amount of life insurance or assets an individual needs to cover any potential loss of income due to the unexpected death of the primary (or sole) income earner so the survivors can be financially sound until the youngest dependent is at least twenty years old.
You can have your income protection number (IPN) calculated by a financial coach or advisor. If you do not have one or do not know where to find one, comment below. Don’t forget September is Life Insurance Awareness Month. “Friends don’t let friends go without life insurance.” – unknown.
Many people are suspicious when they hear life insurance. Images of sheisty salesmen similar to the car salesman that will sell you junk at a high price comes to mind more often than not. Before I dispel some of that information I want to share that it’s Life Insurance Awareness Month. I just found out it’s a thing yesterday.
I’m glad it is a thing because we need the facts on life insurance so we can make educated decisions when (not if) we purchase life insurance. Note to the hecklers, life insurance is least expensive when you’re young and healthy.
Many people mistakenly purchase life insurance believing they only need enough for burial. When the idea of life insurance came about there was no such thing as funeral expenses. Life insurance was created as an income replacement in the event the husband died unexpectedly. The widow left behind doesn’t have to work and can still manage the household and child(ren) without becoming destitute.
How many of you have insurance on your electronic devices? Why do you insure objects? For those of you with some life insurance: are you fully covered or covered enough to get buried? Would you underinsure your home? Would you underinsure your car? Why would you feel ok with underinsuring your life with too little or no life insurance?
To find out more or to schedule a free consultation comment with your email address.
Good morning! Happy Friday! Happy end of summer (maybe)! Happy back to school! Happy end of August!
I haven’t been on in a while because I have been learning so much these past 8 weeks I am near bursting with wanting to share it all. I am looking to shift gears in my writing here so just stick with me. Financial discussions have always been touchy where I grew up. All of the adults around me kept their finances a secret because of the idea that everyone was out to steal from them. Maybe that was true, maybe it wasn’t. I didn’t grow up during their era. What I do know is that those beliefs created behaviors that essentially crippled the financial growth capabilities of the family for several generations.
What I am starting with this post is a forum for financial education awareness. In order for us to discover a solution for the poverty and poverty-influenced thinking in our communities we have to first acknowledge the poverty that exists. Next we have to honestly face and openly discuss why the poverty exists. What behaviors are we performing and accepting that contributes to our poverty-mindset?
What behaviors can we shed to make room for new financial beliefs and habits to create the financial future we want? For more information, comment below.
Have you ever had an opportunity to do something or go somewhere and missed it because you froze in fear? It’s okay, because it happens to the best of us. I’ve had my moments. How I have been getting through some of those moments is asking myself, “How will I feel about myself passing up this opportunity?” Usually the answer to this question spurs me to make a decision and I am usually pleased with the outcome.
This past weekend was one of those moments. I’d found out about the Sistahs In Business Expo, in Philadelphia, on Thursday and according to the ticket site Eventbrite, Friday was the last day to purchase tickets. I was on the fence since the expo was Saturday. Then I saw Vivica Fox was going to be the keynote speaker! I knew not going would bother me like when I missed Gabrielle Union’s AND Jenifer Lewis’ book signings earlier this year. Bam! Decision made. I was going and bringing the little ones with me. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So many entrepreneurs were in the building! It was beautiful and the energy was electric! My children didn’t fully understand the beauty they were submerged in, but as they get older and wiser they will. One of our highlights was not only getting a signed copy of Ms. Vivica A. Fox’s book but pictures with her as well!
Never give up on goals and aspirations you have for yourself. Your future self will thank you for it!
The beginnings of July. The seventh month. For those who watch the celestial rotations, this month is powerful. Many believe the planetary alignments influence our behaviors and our beliefs.
I believe that subconsciously that could be true as I feel a pull on my spirit sometimes during full moons. I also feel the energy of a room when I walk into it letting me know if something or someone is “off”.
My greatest challenge is to listen when my spirit “pulls” at me. It is for my protection. Accepting that I can feel that pull is a sign that my intuition can be fine-tuned a little more enough for me to accept and utilize it. Self-acceptance is the key this decade. I am who I am.
My daughter graduated from kindergarten two days ago. I am a proud momma. It’s taken me two days to re-contain my emotions before I could write about it.
She’s my only daughter and the reality that she’s not a baby anymore is not lost on me. I look in her face and I see her infant face but I also see a younger version of myself.
She’s courageous and open-minded, curious about the world she lives in and (in a few ways) more bold than I ever was in speaking up and out about what’s going on around her. I don’t want to smother her or block her from exploring her own potential. The only way to grow into that is for me to explore my own potential more fully so as not to stifle hers. She is me 2.0. The upgrade. She’s in beta mode and I want to ensure she has every opportunity accessible to her.
So, I have quite a few emotional adjustments to make to myself. Recognizing the maturity in her (it’s a battle sometimes when my Aquarius clash with her Leo) is hard because I don’t want her to grow up too fast. *grabs tissue* She just left preschool last year and now she’s a first grader. Sigh…