Hello. I have been quiet for quite sometime, and for good reason. I am approaching my 40th year and I promised myself that I would shed toxic people from my life before I reached that milestone. I finally left a toxic relationship I had been in for more than 10 years. Tomorrow will be 1 year since I left to make a new and peaceful life for my children and I. It hasn’t been easy because there is always the obstacle of standing firm in my belief when the other party tries to re-assert control over me. I am more acutely aware of the behavior patterns during this month because I left during this month and because it is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
I have to fight for my safety and that of my children because I don’t know who may be watching that need encouragement. Many people unfamiliar with the terror of being in an abusive relationship believe that you can just walk away – it’s not that simple. Especially when children are involved. The officers of the family court system are not trained properly to effectively handle domestic violence situations leaving many victims (men are abused also – but because of social stigmas they are less likely to report being abused) and children in serious danger. This has been my season and it is coming to an end.
I have a long healing road to travel but I am grateful that I am alive to travel that road as so many women did not have the fortune to. I have reconnected with friends and interest in activities I had stopped doing. I have begun writing, knitting and crocheting again. I have even knit a pencil skirt free hand! Although that last season was painful, it was necessary for me to grow and re-connect with myself. I accomplished several of my long-term goals I didn’t think were possible for me and that felt amazing!
This is the first time I have been single in 13 years and it feels good. When I go to sleep at night it is peaceful. I laugh more. I smile more. I hug my children more. I am slowly learning about who I am at this point in my life. The old me is introducing me to the new me that is emerging from these challenges and I love her. She is spunky and funny (I don’t tell jokes I just state the reality of some stuff) and excited to experience the goodness that life has to offer.
My pain led me – no dragged me – along a path I dared not go but needed to venture. “I’m fine”, I said, trying to shake the pain loose. With a shake of her head Pain continued dragging my resistance to a destination unknown to me.
Adjusting my dress and fixing a smile I spoke firmly – “I’m fine. Release me.” Again Pain shook her head and continued pulling me over sharp-edged terrain up a cliff face on the side of a mountain. My fear of heights spoke then, screaming, “Wait! Where are you taking us?”
Silently Pain continued on, now her light hold turned into a firm grasp – no longer gentle. Rough, angry yanks to keep me moving cause me to stumble over my steps. My thoughts are disjointed, memories colliding, unlocking more pain and ripping open more wounds.
Falling on my hands and knees I yell, “I’M FINE!!!”, trying to force Pain to release me.
Pain spun on her heel so quick that she was a breath away from my face and spoke:
YOU. ARE. NOT. FINE.
That is why I am here. You are consumed by hurt even though you love – your pain is too great so I am here to carry it and you until you let go releasing us all.
Pain stepped back and before me lay the bluest sky I had ever seen. I realized at that moment the weight of what she said. So I screamed. All of the hurt from all of the years of believing I wasn’t enough rushed to the surface in a blood curdling holler. Dropping to my knees, I felt weak and hollowed out.
Tears blurred my vision and streaked my face as Pain knelt beside me, “Good girl”, she said as she kissed my forehead in a motherly fashion, “Rest now. My job is done.”
I have set a release date for my new collection of poetry, Reflections: Past, Present, Future. This collection is scheduled for June, 2018 and I am nervous and excited.
In this new collection I explore the underlying influences that led to my relationship experiences that I wrote about in my first collection, Entangled Hearts.
Many women are tired of falling for the wrong guy time and again. Falling in love with the potential of who he can become instead of looking at who he is. Ignoring our instincts when they warn us that something is wrong. What we don’t do, many times, is stop and reflect on WHY we ignore those warnings. WHY do we fall in love with potential rather than investigate the facts?
In Reflections I stop and do just that. Reflect. What is the underlying reason why I allowed sub-par love into my life? Why was I willing to give 1000% in exchange for a luke-warm 25% at best? One day I woke up and stopped trying to adjust the math.
As women, we are the cornerstone of civilization. Fellas you’re not being discounted – keep reading. Ladies, we have the biggest influence over life, it grows within us. Life flows out of us. We are designed for it. It is time we sat down in a quiet place, grabbed our tea or coffee and reflect on why we allow the negative relationships in our lives. Once we understand the WHY we can create a correction plan.
The countdown to Reflections has begun. Are you ready?
Can’t Love What I Don’t Trust is a new urban romance novel by author Khara Campbell that was released by Mahogany Red Books. I am a lover of romance stories even when a part of me wants to run from them screaming (only because I have yet to discover my happily ever after).
But, I digress. Tonight on my radio show, On Why Yet’s Watch with Khara Campbell, I get to sit down with Khara Campbell and find out what makes her characters tick. I have been interviewing authors and artists for a couple of months now and I am discovering that I love it. The stereotype is that artists and published authors are unapproachable and I am finding them to be regular people, just like you and me. They have real life problems just like we do. We’re all human. Even the fictional characters in these novels.
That is what caught my attention with this novel. How can you love someone you don’t trust? You can’t, plain and simple. So many people want to convince others of how loving they are and fling accusations about like paint on a toddler easel. You may have guessed I have a bit of experience with this here.
A former significant other of mine constantly accused me of cheating on him. All the while professing how much he ‘loved’ me. Needless to say that gets tiring quickly, and before I change who I am to satisfy his accusations I will leave. Well, his accusations (unjustified I might add) continued and I said ‘sayonara!’.
That is what Cassandra is dealing with in the story. Undependable and not-yet-ready-for-committment type guys that we have seen or dealt with ourselves at one time or another. Here’s a brief synopsis from the author herself:
Cassandra had been in love before and if you asked her, love was pain; every day she was reminded of that with the hand she was currently dealt. She struggles to provide for the kids, working a dead-end job while going to school. Stuck in a meaningless relationship, which only involved midnight creeps into her bed, she ends things with Darius in hopes for something better in life.
Just when Cassandra isn’t looking for anything or anyone, that’s when Marco comes along; he’s handsome, a great father to his son, and a business owner. Marco’s had his share of women and often juggled relationships, but upon meeting Cassandra, his desire is kindled and he has to fight against wanting anything more than just a casual thing. With each day, they both fight the obvious; they want each other. A night of forbidden passion leads them into bed together; they soon wind up going back and forth, as Cassandra begins to date Damian to distract her from the one she really wants–Marco.
To hear more about Cassandra, Darius, Damian and Marco you’ll have to tune in to On Why Yet’s Watch tonight at 9:00 pm EST by calling in to 646-716-5330. We always have fun. Listen to Why Yet? Why not?!