Quiet Inflection

It has been several months since I last posted. I am still learning about me. It’s a scary journey looking into the dark corners of myself, but necessary for my growth. Usually when I go into retrospective mode my pen comes alive and the words flow like a beautiful river but not this time. My river bank of poetry was dry. I started to panic. And then I grabbed my crochet hook…

Amongus Mini Crewmate pattern by Why Yet

Years ago I taught myself to crochet and to knit using kits I’d found at my local Wal-Mart. Learning these skills was a challenge as the patterns were written in a language I didn’t understand and I knew no one who could teach me. I understood the basic crochet and knit stitches and mastered how to make knit scarves and crocheted hats. Patterns for baby outfits and clothing terrified me because my understanding of both languages was limited. So I allowed my fear to stop my progress.

Here I am, almost 20 years later, reading patterns, following patterns and crocheting and knitting garments freehanded with less fear (the fear hasn’t gone away completely). What I learned is that my perception of my ability to learn and understand the language of knitting and crocheting blocked my growth. Making mistakes is how we learn. Mistakes, when acknowledged and learned from, is how we grow.

Chunky-Knit Cardigan pattern by Ashley Lillis

I have been inspired these last couple of months to grow through needlecrafts instead of poetry. At first, I was nervous but with each project I’ve completed and shared, I have gained confidence in my understanding of the language. I have realized that other areas of my life are no different, complete one project at a time and learn from any/every mistake made to grow in confidence. I plan to challenge my fears one at a time and hope this helps someone remember that we are not expected to know it all. Enjoy the process. Today is yesterday’s tomorrow, be great today.

Chunky-Knit Sweater Dress pattern by Why Yet

Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway!

When the pandemic shut the world down last year I felt angry and relieved at the same time. I was angry because I was drafting a plan to cross a few travel plans off of my bucket list. I was relieved because I was challenged to interact more on social media via video. I felt (at the time) that since the world was shutting down, everyone’s forced to stay inside, so nope, can’t do it.

That was my fear speaking loud and clear. Fear had my full attention. The world (as we knew it) was ending, people were stockpiling bleach, toilet paper, soap, spaghetti noodles (but no sauce) and microwavable dinners from the freezer section of the market. 🤦🏾 But fear had me gripped, worrying about whether or not the world was heading into Book of Eli/Mad Max territory. So, streaming live on social media was the least of my concerns… or so I thought.

Chatting on line with a friend about the current state we were in, they casually said “How about you go live and read some of your poetry?” *insert record scratch* What now? In the middle of a pandemic? Read my poetry, on camera? I was shaking in my pajamas at the thought of it. I immediately started to panic. I hadn’t performed any of my poetry live since 2018 and that was at a church’s open mic night event in my neighborhood.

I started to say as much but instead replied with “that scares me.” I hought that would be enough to back them up until I received these words that stuck in my mind like Gorilla Glue, “Face the fear and do it anyway.” A few days after that, I took a deep breath (I was considered an essential worker and still had to report in) and started live streaming during my morning commute. I did this for about 16 weeks before I stopped as I was receiving static from work. Smh.

But as I think back, I had fun. It was scary but I did it anyway. In this digital age I know I will have to return to it, but until then, should there be anyone considering jumping into the live streaming pool (no matter what social platform), give this article a read Learn To Live Stream , you’ll be glad you did. And if this helps, drop a comment below!

Happy New Year 2021!

OMG! 2020 was quite the ride for all of us. Whether that ride was fun or terrifying, we were all on it together, ride or die – no pun intended. We have lost many but in the midst of grief and, here in the U.S., political chaos we managed to continue breathing. I don’t know about you but I’m grateful for that.

I have been MIA since July 2020. I was focused on staying healthy and updating my financial house in light of the fallout of Covid-19. Many don’t believe it’s real, even with many dying and refuse to take protective measures – not only to protect themselves but to protect others. This is the major failing of America as a society because she was born of indifference to the suffering of others – unless she can profit off of it. That was the core message I understood from the outgoing administration. “The team reflects leadership…” – Remember the Titans, 2000.

2021 came in with true Aquarius-like flare. Strolling in with a great conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn on December 21st and full moon in Cancer on December 29th. All of my astrology and spiritually awakened people know what I’m talking about. Word on the street is the great conjunction ushered in the start of the Age of Aquarius. As an Aquarius I’m excited either way because I’m alive to see it. I spent a lot of time learning about myself in 2020 and healing those parts of me that I didn’t realize were still hurt. I thought writing poetry, expressing my pain through words would be all I needed to do but alas I discovered my poetry opened the door for me to explore how deep my pain goes so I can heal it. My poetry was my portal to my inner self that was hidden from plain sight. 2020 sucked, but growth only comes through adversity so I choose to see 2020 as the proctor of a mid-term exam we were unprepared for. In 2021 we can choose to do better, I know I have!

Image by Anja🤗#helpinghands #solidarity#stays healthy🙏 from Pixabay