My pain led me – no dragged me – along a path I dared not go but needed to venture. “I’m fine”, I said, trying to shake the pain loose. With a shake of her head Pain continued dragging my resistance to a destination unknown to me.
Adjusting my dress and fixing a smile I spoke firmly – “I’m fine. Release me.” Again Pain shook her head and continued pulling me over sharp-edged terrain up a cliff face on the side of a mountain. My fear of heights spoke then, screaming, “Wait! Where are you taking us?”
Silently Pain continued on, now her light hold turned into a firm grasp – no longer gentle. Rough, angry yanks to keep me moving cause me to stumble over my steps. My thoughts are disjointed, memories colliding, unlocking more pain and ripping open more wounds.
Falling on my hands and knees I yell, “I’M FINE!!!”, trying to force Pain to release me.
Pain spun on her heel so quick that she was a breath away from my face and spoke:
YOU. ARE. NOT. FINE.
That is why I am here. You are consumed by hurt even though you love – your pain is too great so I am here to carry it and you until you let go releasing us all.
Pain stepped back and before me lay the bluest sky I had ever seen. I realized at that moment the weight of what she said. So I screamed. All of the hurt from all of the years of believing I wasn’t enough rushed to the surface in a blood curdling holler. Dropping to my knees, I felt weak and hollowed out.
Tears blurred my vision and streaked my face as Pain knelt beside me, “Good girl”, she said as she kissed my forehead in a motherly fashion, “Rest now. My job is done.”
I am still working on finding my rhythm here in WordPress land. I looked up my original blog, Poetically Wyld, and realized how laid back and carefree it was to maintain that writing rhythm. I wasn’t concerned about tags and SEO or anything. I just wanted to write and share.
That’s where I am attempting to return to with Why Yet’s Words. A place where I can write and share. Words are powerful things, crafters of energy, encapsulating emotions that are sometimes indescribable and I love the feelings they elicit.
Those feelings come to me in free form poetry and the fluidity of those feelings is pure emotion. Like that warm breeze blowing across your face as you stare out at the water.
That rhythm tempted me and I answered when I penned my new poetry collection, Reflections: Past, Present, Future which is available for pre-order here.
The poems I selected for Reflections are a part of my rhythm, a part of finding my rhythm and by sharing I hope to help someone else find their rhythm.
The first day of spring is the world’s New Year’s day. Spring is a time of rebirth and new beginnings and for me I am fully embracing that. I am fully embracing me.
The journey to discovering who I am and what my passions are has been interesting thus far. I have met so many amazing individuals, myself included. Before I began paying close attention to this journey, I was a stranger to myself. Working, raising a family, doing everything I was programmed to do. But I was unhappy. I was unfulfilled and I was very unsatisfied. Nothing is more dangerous than an unsatisfied woman.
So far on this journey, I have discovered (and accepted) the fact that I am an emotional individual. My emotions fuel the poetry I write. Emotion is passion. How I display that passion is a story in itself. Many have asked me about the poems I chose to include in my collection, Entangled Hearts.
Each poem spoke a message I wanted to share with you, my readers. We have all experienced love in some form. Good, bad or indifferent, love has left an imprint on each of us. But some imprints left a residue that made me feel alone and isolated, so I wrote about it to reach out to others who may have or yet to have experienced the same.
Entangled Hearts is a collective love letter to myself, to past loves, to future loves and to lovers in general. Sometimes love hurts but other times it doesn’t and that is what entangles all of our hearts…
Many times when October rolls around many people are thinking about Columbus Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. Many times the quiet woman nursing bruises is overlooked. The timid woman in the office is ignored. The mother who averts her gaze when picking her child up from school is mistaken for being stuck up. Many times this is not the case. Many times she is trying her hardest to avoid abuse at home should she not return fast enough, should she be caught or suspected to interact with others. Our job as a community is to learn what the warning signs of domestic violence looks like. Our job is to speak up and speak out to end the cycle of domestic violence in our communities.
The media always portrays domestic violence as always being physical violence, like when Rhianna’s image flew across the internet after Chris Brown abused her. Yes, that is domestic violence but that is not the only form it comes in. Because society believes that is the only face of domestic violence many women stay silent for fear of being ridiculed and judged for not resembling Rhianna. In all cases of domestic violence the beginning stages include emotional and psychological manipulation. Loving words and gestures while slowly, methodically, and quietly separating the prey from any and all forms of outside support, i.e. friends, family, loved ones. Once the separation is complete then the loving words turn into judgments, put-downs, insults, ridicule and cruelty. The longer this stage is allowed to continue unchecked and unchallenged the more dangerous the situation becomes. In the most dangerous cases sexual and physical abuse begins.
Recognize the mental and psychological abuse: “You’re fat. Nobody’s gonna want your fat ass!”; “You didn’t have anything when I met you!”; “Everything you have is because of me!”; “I saw you looking at that person, so I know you slept with them!”; “You ain’t shit! Everything you think is an idea that came from me!”; “If you try to leave me I will call the police and have you arrested!”; “But baby I said those things because I love you. I NEED you! I can’t be without you!” Other forms of domestic violence include financial abuse, and sexual abuse. Being in a relationship does not entitle anyone to sex. NO means NO! Another misconception is that only women get abused. It is rare but men can also be victims of domestic violence too. Recognize the signs, ask careful questions, lend a listening ear and offer genuine help. Especially when children are involved. Children learn what they live. If you or someone you care about is in an abusive situation call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (from a secure phone line) for help: 1-800-799-7233
I woke up this morning and was tired of seeing my post baby stomach jiggling like a bowl of watermelon Jell-O. I know exercise is good for me and my body but I just wasn’t motivated to workout. I like the taste of Oreo cookies a bit too much. When I was still pregnant with my youngest son in 2013 – 2014, I began looking into prenatal yoga. Well, it amounted to just that – me looking into it. The jiggling of my stomach was no longer funny this morning because I had begun noticing aches and pains I didn’t use to have. So I began practicing some of the yoga poses I had only looked into before, and after twenty minutes of stretches I felt better. So I grabbed my notebook and began scribbling down what I believe to be five incredible reasons to try yoga.
Everybody can do it: This was key for me because I learned that I am not cut out for all of the Shaun T and PX-90 style workouts. I tried the Billy Blanks tapes back in the late 90’s and well…
Improves flexibility: After having twin boys in 2002 I have had lower back pain that wouldn’t completely go away. I felt some relief after doing a couple of the stretches. And I realized some of the basic yoga poses I learned in phys ed in grade school. How cool!
Helps you focus on the present: I really needed this because I wasted too much time absorbed in past hurts and memories. When I practiced the yoga poses I reflected inward and enjoyed listening to the birds chirp outside. Besides, I have a bucket list that is a mile long. I need to start checking items off by living!
Better posture: I used to be told that I walk like a model. That was a wonderful compliment that I used to get. Practicing yoga brought my attention back to my posture so when I sit or walk I can straighten up. I want my model walk back.
Improves immune system: By stretching and twisting the muscles, I found out that the increased blood flow brings nutrients to the spine and cartilage throughout the body and it improves your immune system by releasing toxins in the body. How awesome is that?
I made my decision to give yoga a try and after doing a couple of stretches for a few minutes I can see how great my body will feel after long term practice. This will become my new healthy habit. If you want to know more you can go here:
So, last night I indulged in one of my favorite shows: Flip or Flop on HGTV. I sacrificed sleep because I love watching the transformation of the auction homes in California’s neighborhoods. Seeing the different construction and design elements fascinates me because I love watching construction. When I was a young girl I wanted to learn carpentry but was quickly told that was no profession for a girl. BOO!
Tarek and Christina look like they have so much fun, even when their budget is stretched to the max, while working on a flip property. Well, they may or may not realize this but each project they take on is an inspirational story to all of their viewers: Love what you do, and do what you love. That is a great lesson to share with others be it directly or indirectly.
My goal for my children is to be able to instill in them the passion to follow their dreams and the courage the defend those dreams. Even should that be against me! Thanks Tarek and Christina!
A few days later Nathan met up with Mark at the Red Roof Inn on Roosevelt Boulevard. Mark was sitting in his Black Acura MDX listening to All Eyez on Me by Tupac when Nathan tapped three times on the tinted window. “Aye man what‘s good,” Nathan smirked.
“Come on man, let’s go relax. My girl Diamond is in there and she brought out all of her best girls.”
“Is Ruff Ryder in there?”
“You know it. I told you, Diamond brought all of her best girls. You need to relax after what you‘ve been through. We‘re in room 313.”
“Then let’s go.” Nathan stepped back from the car so Mark could get out and they began walking towards the hotel.
Mark called Diamond after he left Nathan’s house three days ago. He was positive that Nathan was the cause of all of Lydia’s ‘accidents’ and miscarriages. Just like with Georgia. Nathan didn’t know that Mark bought the plane ticket for Georgia and her son to leave and gave her money to start her life over in California. He knew Nathan was insecure about getting older but not to the point of targeting young girls so he can manipulate and viciously abuse them. After explaining what he saw at Nathan’s house with Lydia, and telling about Nathan’s treatment of Georgia, Diamond was all too eager to get even.
Nathan walked into room 313 and smiled when he saw the variety of women waiting. In the far corner of the room on a chaise lounge, sat a slender Thai woman dressed in a pale pink, sheer baby doll trimmed in fur. Her tight nipples were visible from where he stood at the door. She smiled at him and gave him a thai bow. Sitting next to her was a curvy Puerto Rican mami, with fiery red hair and a Caribbean blue thong on with matching bra and boots. A set of twins, Russian, were teasing each other on the floor wearing matching white leather one pieces. Sitting on the floor in front of a desk near the window was an olive colored Italian beauty. Large, almond shaped eyes and dark hair accented full breasts cloaked in an emerald green velvet gown. A black velvet choker with a chain attached drew the attention from her eyes to her full breasts. The chain led up to a leather handle held by a deep chocolate woman with curves like Nikki Minaj and Kim Kardashian who sat on top of the desk dressed in a black leather cat suit and boots, watching everything.
“That bitch must be Diamond. Sitting there like she run shit. Hmph. She better watch her step. I’m no body’s punk bitch,” Nathan thought as he eyed her up and down.
“You must be Nathan.” Diamond extended her hand as she rose up from the desk and stepped towards him. Nathan looked her in the eye, “Yeah.” Pulling her hand back she smiled and waved her hand at her ladies, “These are my ’diamonds’. I have cultivated each of them to be skilled in pleasure, be it their own or someone else’s. I understand you are a fan of Ruff Ryder. She is unable to be with us today but I am sure the rest of my ladies can thoroughly entertain you in her absence.” Nathan began smiling, “This bitch think she slick. She fucking with the right one. She mess around and I’ll have her bent the fuck over, fucking her in the ass to let her know I’ll fuck her up.”
Diamond recognized an egotistical, bitch-ass man when she saw one. It had only been fifteen years since she got up the courage to dispose of her own after living in a tortured hell for ten years. Her elite ‘diamonds’ were very skilled at entertaining customers such as Nathan…