A New Season of Life

Posted on by Why Yet

Hello. If you are new here, welcome. I am Why Yet aka Markisha and I knit, crochet, write about love, life, poetry and things. I started this space to share and promote my poetry along with the thoughts and experiences that inspire my poems, but lately I have been considering what that means for my future. I still love poetry but energetically I have transitioned to my craftier side.

I love to knit and crochet useful items and it brings me a similar joy as my poetry had in the past. I am realizing the more I analyze myself and what the root inspiration of my poetry is, the more I want to pick up my needles and knit away. My concern is whether or not I can infuse the two or will the poetry stage of my life disappear altogether? As I have just celebrated another solar return on 1/27 I have been thinking a lot about where I want to be 10 years from now. What experiences do I want to create for myself and my family?

The pandemic in 2020 forced a major shift on all of us. Changes that we didn’t forsee having to make in the manner we were forced to and that triggered a new season of life for many of us. Some positive and some not-so much. I want to embrace this new season and continue to move forward with experiences I can learn from and share, whether fully through words or stitches is yet to be determined. In the meantime, I will continue to let my needles rhythmically flow in tune to my energy… What new season have you started in life? Are you willing to embrace it?

Big Hair, Much Care hat by Fatimah Hinds

Ex•Haust•ion

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Exhaustion. We hear about celebrities checking into hospitals because of it but do we really understand what it means? What is it to be exhausted? How do you recognize exhaustion? How do you recover from exhaustion?

I can only discuss my perspective on exhaustion, as we have had a love-hate relationship over the last two decades. Exhaustion loves to hate me with her antics. Popping in when I have a Wal-Mart sized receipt of things to do. Or calling long distance while I’m in a work meeting. Or the ever-loving hitchhike while driving home from work. Those unsolicited visits are the worst.

For me it starts with muscle aches, progresses to head-aches and morphs into extreme crankiness. Similar to being hangry, you know, hungry + angry at the same time but can’t decide which to focus on first. My mind gets fuzzy making concentrating on anything difficult. What I really want in these moments is to sleep uninterrupted for a couple of days.

This has been the summation of the last part of 2021 and all of 2022. Pure, unadulterated exhaustion. Part of it stems from me digging into my own life experiences and identifying my emotional triggers that contributed to my failed friendships and relationships. I didn’t go down that rabbit hole alone – oh no! I enlisted the help of a trusted therapist who was recommended to me. She has been amazing.

While unpacking myself and discovering parts of my personality I had locked away, I returned to crafting everyday. Before, I would only think about knitting or crocheting during the holiday season and chuck my tools once the new year rolled in. Not only have I begun knitting everyday, I am challenging myself to learn new techniques. It is helping but exhaustion is stubborn like a toddler with their favorite toy.

Finding an unbiased, non-judgmental individual to listen to you and pose questions to gently force you to see yourself in totality is priceless. The work is hard, the tears will come, the exhaustion is waiting to visit with an overnight bag already packed… but you are worth it. The journey is continuous, and sometimes arduous but keep going. And when I figure out the cure for exhaustion, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, what do you do to heal from exhaustion?

Slap Stick Comedy That Wasn’t Funny.

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Everybody loves a good joke. Laughter is good medicine. But not at the expense of someone else (although America has a slew of comedians who built massive careers on it). We’ve all laughed at jokes targeting people (stop, before you get to lying and denying, ask yourself why do you watch sitcoms and/or reality tv?) But when you target someone’s disability or health condition with the intent to embarrass or humiliate, it’s no longer comedy, it’s malicious bullying and abuse.

So that’s where we found ourselves Sunday night during the Oscar’s live broadcast (I didn’t watch in real time because I was listening to The Wheel of Time Book 6: The Lord of Chaos – thanks audible!). Chris Rock, love him or hate him, tickles a lot of funny bones so the Oscar’s felt he’d be a great emcee for the show. Little did the producers know he had a surprise joke line-up for them, at Jada Pinkett-Smith’s expense.

For those who don’t know what the G.I. Jane reference is from, it was a movie from the early 1990s starring Demi Moore (a white actress) who played an army soldier. Demi had to shave her hair for the role. Here’s where the problems start. Demi Moore CHOSE to shave her hair for work. Jada did not. Jada chose to shave her hair due to a medical condition she has been struggling with for years. A condition that causes the same angst and anxiety felt by those affected by chemo therapy.

So, based on the LOUD and DISRESPECTFUL commentary that flooded the internet streets IMMEDIATELY after the slap heard round the world, people wanted to BLAME Jada for the outcome of Chris Rock’s tasteless joke. Would he have told a similar joke in regards to Angelina Jolie while she was ill? Or to Sinead O’Conner who recently lost her son? Black women sacrifice for the greater good daily but it’s supposed to be acceptable to disrespect, humiliate, and degrade us after all our usefulness has been milked dry?

During my little bit of years in life I glean lessons from all who are willing to share and one lesson I received from an older woman years ago was this: people may not remember what you said, but they ALWAYS remember how you made them feel. Chris Rock and Will Smith will have to live with how they made Jada feel, at that moment, for the rest of their lives. How do you make others feel? How do others make you feel?

Spring Has Sprung!

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I don’t like Daylight Savings time for one simple reason: I lose sleep. My sleep is precious to me. I need it! But at the same time Daylight Savings time is a reminder that Winter is just about over. Yay!

The sun comes out and people seem more pleasant. I definitely like the idea of being outdoors in the sunshine. That is, until I read an article about palm-sized spiders paragliding on their webs coming up the east coast this May… 🤯 Wait! Paragliding, palm-sized spiders?! And the lantern bug eggs are hatching too! Are the murder hornets coming back as well?! This almost makes me want to stay indoors…

Speaking of which, the option to stay indoors is a privilege denied to some right now. While many are bracing for pollen season, some are bracing for military fighting in their hometown. While newscasters made it clear that they believed military insurrections are normal in African and Middle Eastern countries, they are unexpected and horrific in European countries. Wait, didn’t Hitler start a whole second world war behind racism and violence in European nations? Didn’t Rome become famous for it’s vicious violence in the quest to dominate Europe? Where did Hannibal conquer with his army of elephant riding soldiers? Excuse my McGraw-Hill textbooks from elementary through high school for the misinformation, if the information I learned was inaccurate.

Spring is supposed to represent rebirth and new beginnings and here we are, as the ‘smartest’ species on the planet, still having the same fight over our inability to treat each other humanely. And I mean ALL OF US. Here in the U.S. the House of Representatives recently passed the Crown Act, which makes it illegal to discriminate against someone based on their hairstyle or hair texture. Yes, in the year of our lord 2022 Black people are still being discriminated against because of our hair. I guess discrimination over skin color just wasn’t enough. But yup, spring has sprung! Take time to stop and smell the fresh air.

War. Why?

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Every war in human history has always been about two things, power and control. One side strives to take it while the other side fights to hold on to it. The loss of life during these power plays are saddening because it takes away from the progress that could be made collectively.

This attack by Russia against the Ukraine has been a long time coming. I say this because of how the conflict was summed up in a post I’ve seen several times on social media. For those who survived abusive relationships, we see the parallels. The gaslighting, the lies, the denials of wrong doing. We feel what’s brewing but no one believes us…

Not only has the Ukraine been attacked, but her allies have been threatened as well. Control. Power. Abuse. Force. Trauma. All of this playing out in real time, on a grand scale. And when it’s all said and done, what will we have gained?

Parental Reflections

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How often, as parents, do we really sit back and marvel at our children? We birth, nurture, protect, provide, and guide them into adulthood, but do we really just look at them? As the people they are?

Today I am doing just that. As much as possible anyway. As I type this, it is exactly 9:10 am EST in the United States. 20 years ago today I was pregnant with my twin sons and sitting in Thomas Jefferson University hospital being prepped for induction. You see, I had fed my twins so well during my pregnancy that they didn’t want to come out, lol. Yet, they were too big to stay in and I made the mistake of watching a cesarean section video on YouTube. Nope. I told my doctor she would not be slicing open my innards. I already had insecurity issues with my body so a C-section was a hard no for me.

I had gone into false labor twice (at work) over the last few weeks but at 3 cm dilated, the hospital kept sending me back home. My preschool students were fascinated at watching my body change over the months and had adopted my babies as theirs, especially since two of my parents were also pregnant. My co-workers were concerned about me working, the deacons in the church had been trying to convince me I needed to be on bed rest for months (because of how huge my stomach grew early on) but my doctor said I was perfectly healthy to work up until I deliver. In hindsight, I think my doctor was excited to see how far I could carry as all of her previous twin deliveries never exceeded 26 weeks. I was induced at 35 weeks.

My pregnancy was normal for me. No morning sickness but constant hunger, and constant cravings. I did experience nausea when I tried to eat some of my favorite foods like shrimp fried rice and any kind of chicken. My boys said those were hard nos for them, lol. Their personalities were distinct even then. My eldest was pretty chill. Twisting and turning mostly to get comfortable. My youngest was energetic and constantly hungry. My stomach growled as I was eating most times.

Now, as young adults, I see them watching to see which direction they want to go in life. They are quiet and introspective, for now, until they discover what lights them aglow. I am excited for when that moment comes and they flourish in their passion. I knew this phase of life would arrive but it is as bittersweet as the day of their birth. I was excited for their new chapter yet sad that our chapter, in that capacity, had ended. Work and bills will always be there as a reminder of responsibilities but remember to take time to enjoy your children before they branch off into their own lives…

What Does Depression Look Like to You?

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As I celebrated my birthday this weekend I reflected on my life, how I gave away power in search for love and acceptance and strayed from discovering my purpose during this life time. I also reflected on the many blessings I have because the headlines have shown prominent individuals who reportedly committed suicide.

Whenever the topic of suicide comes up, many people ask what was wrong with the individual. Many state things like, “They looked so happy”, “But they were so successful”, “But they acquired (fill in the blank)”. There is no compassion, concern or understanding in any of those comments. Society has become so commercialized that many believe that monetary or social success equates to happiness. Social media has made it too easy to hide behind filters, on top of the societal filters we already wear daily.

Depression is not something only poor people or drug addicts deal with. It is a mental health disorder that does not go away. It has to be managed daily. Every person is different, with different experiences contributing to their particular situation. Medication is not a cure all for every case either.

Depression: n. 1. Feelings of severe despondency and dejection. Synonyms: melancholy, misery, sadness, unhappiness, sorrow, woe, gloom, despair, dejection, moroseness…

The former Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst passed away over the weekend with headlines stating it a suicide. Just a few days before, actress, Regina King’s son was reported to have committed suicide. Last month Sinead O’Connor’s son committed suicide. There are a lot of should have, could have, would have comments from people but think to yourself, would you recognize the signs of depression in any of your loved ones? If you struggle with depression, do any of your loved ones know or would they recognize the signs?

I lost a friend in 2017 to suicide and I didn’t recognize what was going on with him because I was wrapped up in my own battles. Now he is gone. Each time I think of throwing in the towel I see his picture in my mind as though he’s telling me “You better not even.” So I fight through for the both of us. It is a daily battle, so my goal is to plan how I envision my future, but focus on conquering today.

We all need to be able to have a safe space to talk about how we feel openly and without judgment. But not everyone has that person or place of safety to retreat to. If you or a loved one is dealing with depression, please talk to someone, this is a 24/7 mental health hotline: 1-866-903-3787. You are not alone. If you need help, please reach out to someone.

Another Cycle Around the Sun!

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I have entered level 42 today and the lessons of the last 20 years have prepared me for today. I woke up thinking about drafting a knit pattern for pants. Also, the thoughts of how my experiences have shaped me as a person. It’s amazing how the most humble and empathetic people on the planet have endured and survived a variety of disappointment, abuse, betrayal…

Pain has a way of bringing the simplistic reality of life to the forefront of our consciousness. Amazingly, in the midst of that pain we have the ability to learn, grow, and teach through our experiences. Growth opens us to new levels of being, new energetic vibrations that attract individuals to us. Harmonious vibrations bring harmonious interactions and in my new year I want to be more conscious and intentional about my personal vibrations.

Over these last 6 months I have become more intentional about what I create with my hands. Crafting with love, being aware of the energy I craft into my projects. And being intentional about making time for myself. As a gift to myself, I have knitted a sweater and a matching Beret. One, because I wanted a new sweater and two, I wanted to prove to myself that I could successfully knit a Beret. I have done it and what a wonderful way to begin my new level, knowing without doubt that our biggest obstacle in life is mastering our minds and the thoughts we allow into it.

Knitted Beret and matching Sweater

Take this moment to reflect on the thoughts you allow daily and whether they help you or distract you. Then decide how you want to proceed. What would you accomplish with the mastery of your mind?

2022 is Coming Out Swinging!

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We are 9 days into the new year and 2022 is not playing. Prince Andrew under investigation, Sir Sidney Poitier passing away, the Omicron variant shutting down 46+ schools in the Philadelphia area, my Instagram account was hacked by a group of folks out of Lagos, Nigeria and Covid mandates are threatening employment everywhere.

I feel like I am living through the live-action version of Animal Farm by Orsen Welles. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It’s available on audible.com. Our society is moving into very dangerous territory and most people don’t seem to notice.

These mandates smell the same as these outrageous abortion laws being passed in some states. How are these unyielding controls meant to benefit humanity? How are these laws meant to improve our lives, or are they just meant to exert control over our ability to decide for ourselves?

If you could decide on one thing that would improve society as a whole in 2022, what would you decide and why? What would you like to see improved?

Happy New Year 2022!

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2021 refused to go away quietly. In a last ditch effort, the year snatched Betty White from us. I used to watch the Golden Girls with my mom as a child. As a curious 7 year old I couldn’t understand why Rose seemed so clueless. It angered me because I felt girls were always shoved in a box and told to stay there. “Don’t ask questions, don’t speak out, don’t point out wrongs, just go along with what you’re told.” As a young black girl in a world constantly telling me to shut up and sit down I wanted Rose to fight back. As I got older and saw Betty White in other acting roles, I understood. She has always fought back but in her own way. I am grateful for her being who she was.

For the past couple of days I debated whether or not to even write about the new year. I feel like I’m fighting the same internal battle I vowed to end several new years ago. But during part of 2020 and 2021 I did a short series of Facebook lives where I spoke my thoughts on current events and internal conflicts I had been working through. These lives were to release the conversations in my mind. I ended my lives with encouragement, more so for myself than for anyone else who may have watched. “Recognize you are dope. Share your dopeness. But be careful who you share your dopeness with because not everyone is equipped to handle it.” This is the encouragement my teenage self needed, so I share it for any who may find comfort in it.

Encouragement is more important now than ever before because the world has grown so desensitized to pain and suffering. Growth and progress requires quiet self-reflection and planning and that is not encouraged much in today’s world of chasing riches and fighting for survival. But during the holidays I came across a decorative piece that was simplistic and to the point: Progress Over Perfection. So instead of writing down an entire to-do list for 2022 I am choosing a theme for this year and progress over perfection is fitting.

May you maintain good health and a keen sense of what is right for you, and defend that firmly. Happy new year and may you create the life you’ve always wanted!